Should You Become a Professional Cuddler? 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Doing It.
I get a lot of emails from people asking me about professional cuddling.
Some people ask me talks I’m giving, events I’m presenting at, or resources I trust.
Most people, though, get a little more specific– and a little more personal. They tell me about their specific situation, why they’re interested in professional cuddling, then ask for my advice or my help.
What most folks are really asking me is if they personally should become professional cuddlers.
And that’s not a decision I can make for anyone.
Becoming a professional cuddler is a deeply personal decision. There’s so much that goes into it: training, marketing, entrepreneurial skills, relational skills, boundary-setting.
And that doesn’t even include the cuddling part of the job!
These five questions will help you reflect on what professional cuddling is– and whether or not becoming a cuddler might be right for you.
What appeals to you about professional cuddling?
If your first answer is “easy money,” please do your clients and fellow cuddlers a favor and don’t do this work.
Doing it for the money isn’t a bad thing– I did, at least in the beginning. But it’s not easy money, so it can’t be the only reason.
Doing it just because you like cuddling can’t be the only reason, either.
Lots of people say “I can do that!” when I tell them what I do (cue me trying wicked hard not to roll my eyes). But getting paid to cuddle a client is very different than cuddling a partner or even a friend.
If you’re getting into professional cuddling because you’re interested in heart-centered work, that’s great! It’s a huge part of the job, and it’s great to be prepared for that going in.
But boundary-setting is also a huge part of the job– and not just physical boundary-setting, but also the mental and emotional kind. You’ll also want to do plenty of research before diving in, so you feel prepared for that aspect of the work.
2. Will you cuddle all genders, races, neurodivergences, age ranges, etc.?
(Soooo many straight dudes looking to cuddle only women are going to hate reading this!)
Professional cuddlers cuddle people ages 18 and older at this time. Baby cuddling is a thing, but it’s usually volunteer work through hospitals– it’s not what a professional cuddler does.
That means everyone 18 and older.
If you screen anyone out on the basis of their gender, race, neurodivergence, age, sexual orientation, or other demographic, you’re being discriminatory.
What that says to potential clients is that they’re not deserving of the platonic touch and care that you provide. That’s a huge problem for being in this work.
I 100% advocate for having a screening system in place that works for you and your level of safety. But if you screen someone that looks or seems different from one of your “normal” clients, check yourself. Are you screening out because they’re not a fit? Or are you just conditioned to be uncomfortable with them?
3. Are you willing to be an entrepreneur?
I don’t know of any companies that are still in business that have 1040 employees as professional cuddlers. At the time of this writing, becoming a professional cuddler means being a solopreneur.
While most people will get training from a cuddle site– or at least get listed on one that approves of them– nobody’s going to go out and actively market you personally. You’ve got to do that yourself.
And if you want to do this full-time, learning how to market yourself effectively is an absolute MUST to stay in business.
I’ll admit, this can be tiring to stay on top of it and build that clientelle. But the monetary rewards can be humongous. For reference, I’ve had a few five-figure months while cuddling full-time, something I never thought was possible when I went full-time a few years ago.
So ask yourself: are you willing to get creative with marketing? Are you willing to talk to other people about doing this work? Are you willing to learn how to find the clients that most need your help? Because being an entrepreneur is a part of being a cuddler, too.
4. How can you help others feel comfortable with you? (…other than cuddling.)
It’s great that you’re “nice, kind, cuddly, soft, and/or sweet.” But those are generic AF words that don’t tell anyone what it’s like to be in your presence, let alone be cuddled by you. (So protip: do yourself a favor and don’t describe yourself with just those words in your profile)
Many people are incredibly nervous the first time they meet with a professional cuddler for a session. “OMG WTF I’M ABOUT TO CUDDLE A STRANGER” is pretty close to what I see raging through their nervous minds.
So how will you help them overcome those nerves– both before and after meeting them?
Who are you, and how do you help people? How do you talk to people? Do you have a natural curiosity about people’s worlds? Do you have training in facilitation or relationship-building, or are you willing to learn more about it? The more client-centered you can be– in your profile and in your cuddling– the farther your practice can go.
5. Are you willing to say “no” A LOT– and help people process hearing “no” in a healthy way?
I can’t stress this enough: Being client-centered in your cuddling doesn’t mean you can’t say no.
It’s your body, and you get to say yes or no to things, no matter what anyone else asks of you.
But people react to hearing “no” in different ways. Some react in subtle ways, beating themselves up for coming up against your boundaries. Some react vehemently, gaslighting you by suggesting their actions are your fault (which by the way: eff that noise).
You’ve got to be prepared to stick to your guns (and your boundaries), while holding compassionate space so people can process your “no.”
You can (and you should!) say yes to the person and no to the action. So do you have the boundaries and the relational skills to thread this needle? Are you willing to learn?
You don’t need to have answers to all of these questions right now, especially if you’re just beginning to consider cuddling as a career. But if considering these questions gets you excited to learn more, check out my free guide “Design How You’ll Work as a Professional Cuddler.” It’s got 32 essential questions I suggest any cuddler have answers to so they can move forward with their cuddle business with confidence and professionalism, things that clients absolutely notice and will affect if they come back. And clients coming back is essential to a thriving cuddle business.