In my eight or so years in cuddle therapy, I’ve seen some incredible cuddle therapists struggle hard with getting clients in their practice. The transformative, deep work that they’re capable of doing wasn’t always reflected in how they showed up online or how they spoke to others about their work. That meant that even though they were super skilled at cuddle therapy, few people were willing to pay them well for it.

We can’t control what other people think of us, but we can influence what they think of us by challenging and expanding what value they think we provide.

(Spoiler alert: you have to do a lot of challenging and expanding to get clients to agree with you. I’ve been belittled for cuddling for a living more than a handful of times when people find out what I do for a living.)

You Can Buy Michael Kors bags for less than $50, But Do You Want To?

A couple years ago, I started getting more into buying quality products instead of cheaply made ones, especially as it came to clothes and accessories.

One brand I've always been drawn to was Michael Kors. I used to get a few small Michael Kors items here and there from TJ Maxx (#Maxxinistas), and I wanted to consider getting a bag from them.

(Designer brands have their own ethical complexities in themselves, but let’s put that aside for now.)

So I walked into the store, spent some time deciding between two, talked to a sales associate about what I wanted and got her opinion for what I was looking for. I picked up this really nice Michael Kors tote bag that would fit what I’d want to bring to the office, has a zipper, and matched most of the new clothes and accessories I was buying.

It was overall a great, almost relaxing experience that took me less than an hour to do.

The next week, when my assistant at the time came in for a meeting and noticed the bag. She liked it, and I told her I did too and told her the story of going to get it.

Then she said something I didn’t expect her to:

"You know, if you waited until Black Friday you could have got it cheaper."

Um, okay? It’s August.

"And there's these sites that you can go on to get them for under $50 if you look hard enough. It takes some time, but you can find it."

At the time, I was annoyed that she was telling me this. Was she judging me for buying direct from the store? Did she think I was getting ripped off? What was this?

I also noticed… I didn’t actually care that I could have gotten it cheaper.

Of course I could have. But who knew if these other sites were even carrying authentic products if they were that cheap? And how long would I have to wait? Would it be in good condition? I had no idea.

All I cared about at that point is that I got a bag I wanted, and I had a great experience trying to buy it.

Three years later, that bag is still in great condition and I still appreciate the purchase.

Clients That Don’t Want to Pay More Money Will Pay More In Time

Clients that don’t want to spend much of their money but are willing to spend their time getting a deal will do everything they can to get a great deal.

My assistant would like my bag, but she’s willing to put the time in to find it somewhere else for the cost she wants to pay.

In the best case scenario, cuddle clients that are determined to pay the lowest price will look around at your profile or website, realize what they’re looking to buy is worth a lot more to them, and decide to move forward and pay your rates. More often than not, if they’re really not willing to pay, they’ll just think they’re out of their element or price point and click away from your info without contacting you.

That’s if you position yourself in a way that they understand that what they’re buying is more valuable than they thought.

Without a clear idea of what value you provide, you’ll run into a lot more people that:

• complain to you that you’re too expensive (spoiler alert: you’re likely not)

• try to haggle you and make a counteroffer (this doesn’t usually end well for you if you accept)

• say that another pro cuddler is a lower price (“Um, okay? Then go see that pro then and leave me alone”)

• otherwise neg you in an effort to get you to lower your price or offer a discount to them (not common, but not unheard of and really rude)

• otherwise waste your time and never pay you a cent, leaving you frustrated and resentful

If you seem to be attracting a lot of clients like this, allow me to offer some insight:

Are You Advertising The Quality of Williams-Sonoma Like It’s A Bed Bath and Beyond?

I believe you have a wonderful, valuable gift to offer the world as a cuddle therapist!

But does your online presence and branding show a clear view of the quality you give?

If it doesn’t, many great clients willing to pay you what you ask for might be passing right by all your info, still searching for the right fit for them. Meanwhile, the people you are attracting are not having it with how much you charge because they don’t believe they should pay that much.

Here’s an example of another business that made the same mistake and it cost them dearly.

Before Bed Bath and Beyond closed their doors, they tried to move into carrying premium products.

When the store closed down, my fiance and I walked around and still felt many of the things 70%-80% off were too expensive. We could afford it, sure. We felt weird paying that much at a Bed Bath and Beyond though.

I wondered why we thought that— the prices weren’t exorbitant, but to me they felt like they were too much to pay at a Bed Bath and Beyond. Where did I get that notion that I shouldn’t pay much there?

It hit me while walking around why I felt that way, even at a liquidation clearance sale: being in the store didn’t feel like I should pay more.

The layout of a Bed Bath and Beyond felt a lot like I was in a Target! So subconsciously, I had positioned BBB as a similar brand and at a similar price point— aka relatively reasonably-priced for most middle class Americans. Asking $80 for a discounted pan left me putting it down and thinking “Who the hell do you think you are?”

But who can ask $80 for a pan and I wouldn’t bat an eye?

Williams-Sonoma.

I know that WS is a store with a certain vibe and price point to it. The design of the stores and their curated layouts scream how put together they are and how much thought and detail they’ve put into putting these products in front of you. It’s such a small little detail that makes a huge difference.

BBB failed to give that vibe in their stores. When they tried to offer Williams-Sonoma priced products and still look like a glorified Target warehouse, their customers likely started thinking “What on earth are they smoking?”

SERIOUSLY! LOOK AT THE TWO! IT’S LIKE NIGHT AND DAY WHEN YOU LOOK AT THEM!

This is the same for your online business presence too.

Where you advertise, how you advertise, and how you exude the energy of someone that is giving value for the prices you ask for— whether it’s $50 an hour or $300 an hour— can be the deciding factor on whether people will even consider working with you.

I’ve noticed this when I redid my own site last year. People approached me very differently after landing on my site when I rebranded it, used better pictures, and changed the copy and layout to be exactly how I wanted to show up online. (If you want to creep on it, you can see it here.)

WAY less timewasters and lookie-lookies clogging up my schedule, and more people that knew right away it was worth the cost to see me.

My online presence helped me screen out anyone that wasn’t a fit, and it doubled as helping me with my safety.

How to Exude the Energy of Someone That Thinks They’re Worth It

Pictures, where you advertise, your copywriting, etc. are all easy fixes for your online presence. You can do them yourself or hire someone to do it for you. But the single best fix I’ve seen that helps with making everything else so much easier is doing the work to understand the value you provide on an intimate level.

And there’s a quick way to understand that well: by paying someone what you want to charge.

Be honest: have you ever paid someone else what you’re charging per hour for anything in your life?

If the answer is no, what would you value at your price point? Go pay for that.

When you pay someone the amount you want to receive, you understand what it’s like to be a client of someone in that pay range. You get to see what experience you expect. You see the person you hired in a different light than if you hadn’t hired them. You realize what you expect of them and what you’re forgiving about with them at your price point.

Spending money is powerful like that. I experienced this last year when I hired a personal trainer whose hourly rate $130 an hour… I was charging $120-140 an hour, so this was perfect.

I didn’t once think about if it’ll be worth it. I knew, and I found the money to pay him. I knew I wanted to work with him and would get results, and oh did I.

I was fully engaged in my training sessions. I asked questions a lot, tried everything he told me to, and put in a lot of work to get better. Today he tells me that I was hands-down one of his best clients he’s ever had.

You bet your butt that means the people I ended up attracting shortly after were less worried about price and more worried about if I can help them!

You Don’t Need to Target “Rich People”

Something to note is that socioeconomic background does not matter as much as you might think on if someone can afford you as much as if they value you. Doctors have haggled with me the most, and the most earnest clients that paid my rate without complaints were part time workers barely scraping by.

I believe people when they say they can’t afford me, but if they want to work with us and value us in their minds, they’ll find a way to make it work without us trying to figure out how to help them see us.

(I do have my own system for handling those that can’t afford me, so I don’t leave people that need me high and dry. But everyone must pay my full rate for their first session because I believe that sets the mental anchor your clients are using for your price and value.)

Instead of targeting exclusively rich people or focusing on giving away so much of your labor for free you can’t pay rent, I recommend targeting people that you want to help that have some means to pay you.

If someone believes you can help them, they will happily pay your price because they value it.