What is a Professional Cuddler? And Could You Become One?

In the 7+ years I’ve done professional cuddling, the question I get asked the most when I tell people I do this work is, “Wait, what’s a professional cuddler?”

On the surface, it seems like a pretty simple job, right? You cuddle people and get paid to do it. What’s so difficult to understand about that? Maybe you could start doing it too even. It can’t be that hard, right?

Hold on a second there. Sure, the concept of cuddling is easy to understand. You’ve done it before several times, but doing it for pay is very, very different.

Many compare cuddling to massage, but cuddling has one key difference: while you do touch your client, your client will also get the chance to touch you.

That dynamic of being able to touch each other changes how we have to show up for sessions entirely. We’re not just a professional offering the service that we give to the client and they receive.

No, by receiving touch in return, we’re now active participants in the session, even as professional cuddlers.

This seems obvious, but most people overlook this key piece when they think about doing professional cuddling. Most people don’t consider that it’s not just the professional cuddler cuddling some person into submission (this is not a great dynamic, by the way. So many clients have seen me that saw a cuddler that did this and it traumatized them).

Most people don’t even try to picture who it is that they might be cuddling.

The other person might not be your age. They might be way older than you or younger than you. They might be of any race. They might be of any gender.

They might be your gender.

And you’ll be cuddling each other.

(goodbye, straight dudes reading this article that just realized that to be a professional cuddler they have to be okay with cuddling other dudes!)

You can’t turn down someone for a session just because they’re a certain gender, race, or age you don’t want to work with (though it’s generally accepted that if they’re not at least 18 it’s a liability you shouldn’t take on). If you do, you’re likely discriminating and that doesn’t land well with the law in any job you do, much less professional cuddling.

Here’s the good news: you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

Saying no to someone because they’re of a certain demographic isn’t acceptable. But being uncomfortable with how a client is treating you is a totally normal, okay and overall expected thing to say no to.

I’m generally agreeable and say yes to many requests in cuddle sessions. But I say yes to so many things because I know what I’m a no to.

I say no to people that don’t follow directions to contact me. I say no to people that try to get services beyond cuddling that I don’t want to offer. I say no to cuddle positions that put me in a compromising position with someone I haven’t built trust with yet. I say no to touch that’s too rough for me to enjoy. I say no to touch in areas I’m uncomfortable with. I say no to people that say, “I know you said you won’t do x, but…” And I say no to a lot of other things that I’m discovering I’m a no to as I go on.

For a job that’s generally very open and welcoming, I actually spend a lot of time saying no.

I spend a lot of time saying yes too, but knowing when I need to say no is vital to my safety and to remove assumptions of what’s okay on my clients’ ends. Many of my clients at one point have dealt with me saying no to something they wanted, not to them personally. I still want to cuddle with them, I just don’t want to do that particular thing.

Just like touch is mutual in professional cuddling sessions, saying no is also a right your client has. No one is ever expected to grin and bear whatever happens in a cuddle session. Anyone can pump the breaks, ask for what they want, or opt-out at any time.

So why would people pay for this if I can say no to something they want?

A lot of people would answer that question differently than I would, but here’s mine:

People are paying for the opportunity to get and receive touch, but that’s not all they get. They also get someone that (usually) genuinely wants to be there with them.

Through sessions, they learn how to approach their friendships and relationships in real life around consent (physical, mental and emotional consent) by practicing it. If you could have a service that lets you practice the small and intricate details of consent and communication that few people talk about but that can make or break your connection with the people around you, what would that be worth to you?

And, of course, some are paying for relaxation. Not everyone I see pushes my boundaries! (in fact, I’d say most people don’t)

Many clients genuinely understand this work for what it is: cuddling, closeness, and connection. In this day and age when so many people suspect that’s not all that’s happening, professional cuddlers have to do a lot of work to find and educate people so that their clients are on the same page as them.

And even so, your and their ability to say yes or no and mean it is super valuable for them to be able to enjoy all of that.

So if you’ve been considering being a professional cuddler, I have two questions for you:

1. Would you be genuinely open to working with anyone over the age of 18 that wants to work with you and can pay you?

2. Do you trust yourself to say no? When I ask that, I actually mean saying out loud, “No thanks, I’m uncomfortable with that.”

If the answers to those questions are yes, then this is only the beginning. I have a workbook of 32 other essential questions you should be answering before you open your own cuddle practice so you’re designing your cuddle career exactly how you want to. You can get that guide here.